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A lonely land far from stars or sea
A wasteland to those who wept or sinned
Littered with remnants of life's debris
Caught and scattered by a howling wind

A forsaken hilltop in this frigid place
A small dark blot on a land of bone
A cottage marking its stark white face
Standing silent and alone

No light shone through the window's grime
To cast its joy on the sad estate
The shadow of home in its long-ago prime
A pall no sun could alleviate

Shadows filled the meager space
And reached the boundries of the room
A man sat in its dark embrace
Lost amidst the heavy gloom

His clothes were ragged, tattered, torn
With visage marked with lines of age
His life had left him tired and worn
Trapped within a darkened cage

He sat by the blackened fireside
Reflecting on his better days
His eyes held fading flames inside
That filled his old and weary gaze

Outside, the wind, a malignant blast
Shrieked and screamed like an infernal choir
He comforts himself with relics of the past
As he sat beside the dying fire

He stared into the dancing flames
And talked to lost family members
He thought of voices, faces, names
Ghosts within the fading embers
©2009 ~andar90
:iconandar90:

Author's Comments

Enjoy (I hope)! As always, comments are welcomed and encouraged. I really appreciate any feedback that you're willing to give, including constructive criticism.

Comments


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:icontina-go-lightly:
I actually do have some suggestions for this piece that I will share with you in a bit when I have a little more time.

But good work!

--
*Rhyme-and-Reason-check it out!

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow
:iconandar90:
Thank you, and I will be thrilled to receive any suggestions that you have. :)
:iconrijjka:
I am finding myself enjoying this piece. I like it, and there and

Due to being much out of practice, I can't give much in the way of constructive critique, but I did see one thing. You might consider making 'sea' in the first line read as 'seas' as the plural form seems to go better with 'debris'

--
"March on, ioine brauelie, let us to it pell mell, If not to heaven then hand in hand to hell." -Shakespeare's Richard III
:iconandar90:
I'm glad you enjoyed it! The rhyming works for me because "debris" is pronounced differently than it's spelled, but I see where you're coming from. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it greatly; one of the best things about this site is that you can get feedback from readers (or viewers).
:iconrijjka:
Hmmm, it is one of those funny words. I was just naturally pronouncing it as its plural form.

Yeah it is a great thing, though the tricky part is getting said readers.

--
"March on, ioine brauelie, let us to it pell mell, If not to heaven then hand in hand to hell." -Shakespeare's Richard III

Details

June 11
1.4 KB

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